Why Mindfulness Doesn't Mean Being Calm All the Time

By Alee Mindfulness 2 min read

Mindfulness does not mean being calm all the time.

That may be one of the most important things to understand before beginning a mindfulness practice.

Mindfulness is awareness, not emotional control

Mindfulness involves awareness of internal states and surroundings. [1] Sometimes what you become aware of is peaceful. Sometimes it is anger, grief, restlessness, fear, excitement, boredom, or physical discomfort.

The practice is not invalid because the experience is unpleasant.

Calm can be an outcome without being the goal

Some mindfulness or meditation practices may feel relaxing. Research has explored mindfulness-based approaches for stress, anxiety, depression, sleep, pain, and other concerns, with mixed results depending on the program and study. NCCIH cautions against oversimplifying those findings. [2]

Turning calm into the required outcome creates a new performance: 'If I am still upset, I must be doing mindfulness wrong.'

Sometimes awareness makes things feel louder first

If you usually stay busy to avoid uncomfortable thoughts or sensations, becoming quiet may make those experiences more noticeable.

That does not automatically mean the practice is harmful, but it also does not mean you should force yourself through distress.

You are allowed to change the practice

  • Open your eyes.
  • Shorten the practice.
  • Stand up or walk.
  • Use an external sensory anchor.
  • Choose guided practice instead of silence.
  • Stop if you feel overwhelmed.
  • Seek professional support if symptoms are persistent or severe.

Mindfulness is not passive acceptance of everything

Being aware of anger does not require suppressing it. Being aware of a harmful situation does not require staying in it. Being aware of stress does not mean the solution is always to tolerate more.

Sometimes awareness helps clarify that action, rest, a boundary, help, or a change is needed.

A more useful definition of success

Instead of asking, 'Did mindfulness make me calm?' ask, 'Did I notice what was happening clearly enough to make a more intentional next choice?'

Mindfulness is not a promise that you will always feel calm. It is practice in meeting what is actually here with more awareness.

Related reading

Sources

  • [1] American Psychological Association — Mindfulness. apa.org
  • [2] National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH) — Meditation and Mindfulness: Effectiveness and Safety. nccih.nih.gov
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